Weird Band Names

I was watching Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist the other day. With passionate anger, Norah yelled "If you don't have a drummer then why do you have drums, you fist-full of assholes"? Nick's band-mates then look at each other as if they have found the Holy Grail of band names. I then thought, eww... why in the world would that be a great band name? That my friends, is the inspiration for this post. What follows is a list of real bands with very odd names, some of which creep me the f#@k out.

1. Maggot Sandwich 
Ugh. I just love listening to a band who's name makes me want to puke up my lunch.

2. Anal Kitties
Why did they have to bring poor, innocent kitties into their foolishness? I don't think I'll be able to look at kitties the same way again. -sigh-

3. Armadildo
Aaaaaah! What's with all the sex and animal references? Someone needs to tell these people that bestiality is frowned upon (and illegal) in most countries.

4. Mighty Sphincter
There is no way that I want to know what makes their sphincters so mighty. Save it for your momma. I don't care.

5. Mincing Fury and Gluttural Clamour of Queer Decay
Uh... can you say "long," and are you guys trying to make us depressed? Geez. You might as well be named "Cut My Wrists and Slit My Throat". I feel like tacos....

6. Betty's Not a Vitamin
Uh... that's good. What is she? A person? I'm so smart.

7. The Nomad Nipples
Why are the nipples nomads? Do they wander? Does a member of the band have nipples in multiple places? Are their teats like bad acne? I... don't get it.

8. Black Pimping Jesus
I'll save this one for Chuck Norris, because he can handle anything.

9. Boneless Children Foundation
Oy. What a bad visual. They must all look like Jabba the Hutt. Calling all you Harry Potter geeks, this band needs some Skele-Gro. Stat!

10. Penis Fly Trap
Ouch! That's got to hurt. Wear a cup!

11. Penis Genius
Well, it IS said that men have a second brain in their pants, but I doubt they meant Einstein.

When you think up a name for your band, try not to creep people out. Don't let your "unique" name outshine your music.

~Syleste~

Austin Powers - Dr.evil tells Scott to zip it!

To Whom it May Concern,

If I have to hear one more time that the Austin Powers series is "ridiculous," I will cut someone. That's right. I will get violent. (OK. No, not really.) Seriously, though... I am passionate about the epic quality the series has.

Does Mr. Powers offend you? Is it his teeth? Do swingers make you uncomfortable? Are you anti-cryogenic freezing? What is it? Tell me, please!

I don't get it. Austin Powers is the epitome of awesome. Period. Anyone that says differently can suck a pickle. (Ew.... pickles). That is all.

~Syleste~

Horrible Tattoos

My best friend has 11 tattoos. I've always been one of those people who has been annoyingly afraid of needles. I faint when I get my blood drawn, and getting shots is always blown out of proportion. However, lately (only God knows why) I've been contemplating getting one. Maybe it will be something musical, something simple, something I won't regret getting when I'm 70 years old. So... I've been rummaging through Google, looking through thousands of pictures, and I have come to an uneasy conclusion: there are some REALLY bad tattoos out there.

I don't want to be one of those people who thinks their tattoo is SO cool and everyone else thinks it's incredibly lame. Nor do I want people to look at my tattoo and giggle at its stupidity. For your viewing pleasure I have gathered some horribly awesome tattoo "no-nos". Are you ready for it? OK. Here we go.

 Rule 1: Don't be a walking punch line.
 Example:

Haha. I get it! "Life" sucks. However, now this girl needs a permanent drum roll to follow her around. Good going, Girl. You now truly DO lose at life. EPIC FAIL.

Rule 2: Don't get tattoos on your face.
Example:

(LMAO! You totally know you "lol'd" at this picture. Don't lie to me.)

It's like a bad Men's Wearhouse ad: "Fuck yaaaa. You're gonna LOVE the way you look"!

This guy has taken oxymoron to a new level. He, in a suit no less, will never be corporate. Many jobs will not allow employees to have visible tattoos; this guy is screwed.

What's the plus side? He could be in any circus. Can you say Cirque du Soleil?

Rule 3: Communicate with your tattoo artist, and make sure you find a credible one.
Example:

This tattoo was supposed to be endearing. However, now she looks like the long-lost sister of the wicked witch from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Ouch.

Rule 4: Make sure either you or your tattoo artist can spell.
Example:

I think this is self-explanatory to all you grammar Nazis. 

Rule 5: Make sure you can finish your tattoo.
Example:

Awesome, Guy. Awesome....

Were you lacking in funds so much that you couldn't even finish the "E"? Or were you that much of a wuss that you couldn't stand the pain? Maybe the finished product should be spelled "L-E-W-S-E-R"!

Rule 6: Take care of your new tattoo!
Example:

This guy's arm looks like the Sahara desert with a heroin problem. Yuck.

Make sure you go to a tattoo parlor that is clean, and take care of your skin after you leave. Never scratch your tattoo, and always keep it clean and covered. Not doing so could result in your tattoo's color bleeding. You could even get a staff infection or MRSA, which could be life-threatening.

Rule 7: Don't get too complicated.
Example:

I like interactive tattoos as much as the next guy, but come on! It looks like she's been branded. A person looking at that for the first time is just going to think she just really loves math. What's on the other leg? A road map of France?

On the plus side, her kids can never complain of boredom. All they need is a pen and mommy's leg. "Mommy's leg is my favorite toy"! Creepy.



People, tattoos are relatively permanent. Be smart when getting one and plan ahead of time. Drunken nights and poor planning result in really embarrassing tattoos.

~Syleste~

Celebrity Offspring

Today, we live in a world that is run by "celebrity". Lady Gaga's latest outfit gets front page news, while the failing economy gets third. I don't know about you, but I can't stand the lame-o gossip and the fact that I can't watch television or read a magazine without an actress, singer or model telling me what I should wear, think or be. With all this celebrity nonsense already present, do we really want their offspring ruling our lives?

Lately I've been reading that celebrity couples such as Victoria and David Beckham and Will and Jada Smith are turning their families into corporations. Their children, who aren't even teenagers yet, are becoming more successful than almost everyone I know. It's almost sickening.

Why can't we just let kids be kids?

Eight-year-old Romeo Beckham is reportedly starting his own sunglasses line, after asking his mother for support. I don't know about you, but when I was little and told my mom I wanted to be a model, she didn't start her own agency so I could be the star. What were you doing when YOU were eight? I was playing with my Skip-It, Sega, and Nano Pet.

Nine-year-old Willow Smith is breaking out into the music-business, after her twelve-year-old brother Jaden Smith has starred in movies such as The Karate Kid, The Day the Earth Stood Still, and The Pursuit of Happyness.

Willow's new music video is cute and sends out a good message of being unique, and not being afraid to express it. It's even catchy and great to dance to. However, I hope she's had time to enjoy adolescence; she hasn't even reached puberty yet.

Either way, you be the judge:




What's the dialogue like in the Smith's household? Is it something like:

     Jaden: Can I be in your music video, Sis?
     Willow: Umm... No....
     Jaden: Daaaaadd!!
     Will: Youngsters, I'm busy surviving zombie attacks, fighting robots and saving mankind from aliens in Philadelphia, whilst pursuing my "happyness". Sorry dudes!

Overall we have to remember that these children ARE children; don't come down too hard on them. As to their parents, however: GIVE ME A BREAK!

~Syleste~

BAD Hallowen Costumes

Halloween is quickly approaching. So, I have started my annual costume-hunt. All Hallow's-Eve is suppose to be a night where us humans walk amongst and blend in with the dead and wicked. Instead, however, we choose to masquerade as comic-book heroes, slutty nurses, cave men, Freddy or Jason... I've even seen vending machines and dildo men. As usual, my female mind has to automatically go to the age-old question: slutty or mask?

It seems like 99 percent of costumes created for women are half a costume. Slutty, slutty and sluttier. That is unless of course, you'd like to go as a horse, pig, Barack Obama, Hilary Clinton, or any other barnyard animal/political figure. I would love, at least once, to see women dress as something creative and awesomely evil, instead of amazingly slutty. Thus, Ladies, I will give you some examples of how NOT to dress. To not sexually discriminate, I've added some male examples, as well.

 Ok. Gentleman, don't wear this.  Doing so is saying "I'm not only a man whore, but my wildest dream is to be in a porno". Save it for your Valentine's Day fantasies, and keep it out of your Halloween celebration.

Ladies, women in the police force work hard enough to gain the respect of their male colleagues. Wearing this is completely offensive. Seriously! What was your training in, lap-dancing 101?

To be continued....

~Syleste~

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. A cause near and dear to my heart (both my grandparents are breast cancer survivors), there are so many things I try to do to help. Lately, I have been seeing some... interesting things... that people are attempting, to bring awareness to the cause.

Let me just say, that although your intentions might be good, updating your Facebook status about where you like to put your purse at the end of the day, or what color bra you are wearing isn't really going to do much. Truth be told, people ARE aware of the cause. The problem is the funding.

I'm not asking you to open your checkbook and give one-thousand dollars to Susan G. Komen For the Cure. I am suggesting that you integrate funding into your normal life.

Let me give you some examples:



1. I LOVE yogurt. Do you like yogurt? You do? Awesome! Well, an easy way to contribute to the cause is to buy yogurt. Yes! It's that simple! Many brands, like Dannon, have a code on their lids. Enter the code on their website and 10 cents will be donated to breast cancer research.

2. Do you like pretty things? Does your sister or wife love to shop? Well, you're in luck. Certain websites offer jewelry, clothes, mugs, accessories - almost anything a girl could want, dedicated to breast cancer. Purchase them, and a set percentage is donated to the cause.

3. Do you walk? What a coincidence. So do I! That's why I annually walk for the cure. Find a person or business to sponsor you on your trek. Whether your donation is little or small, whether you walk or run, everything helps. Also, if you think it's difficult to find a sponsor, think again.



Of course, there are other ways to donate: fund-raising, or donating through Pay-Pal or mail. However, the above ways are simple things ANYONE can do that not only fit into your lifestyle, but are mutually beneficial.

As my younger cousin says, "Do your part and save the ta-tas"!

~Syleste~

"Diet" is a Dirty Word

About two years ago, I was looking in the mirror and was sick of what I saw. I was a Junior in college - and I was overweight. I knew then that I had to do something about it immediately, while I was determined to do so. People would tell me, "Just go on a diet"! However, myself and half the people I know have done at least 10 diets, and I have come to a bitter conclusion: diets suck!

The word "diet" is like a dirty word. It has a negative connotation around America, and it's easy to guess why. There are a million and a half diets - some main stream, and some relatively unknown. Our TVs and computers are flooded with their advertisements: Nutrisystem, The South Beach Diet, The Jenny Craig System, The Weight Watchers Plan, Atkins, The Hollywood Diet.... and guess what? They all don't work. At least, not the way you'd want them to.

Diets are a quick-fix for a long-term problem. The above named diets and their buddies (most of the time) are unrealistic. These diets may have you drink nothing but fruit or vegetable juice for two weeks, or give up almost every food group for a month. You are on them for a certain period of time, and yes, probably will lose at least a small amount of weight. However, if you are extremely over weight, these diets aren't enough. Even if you only had 15 lbs to lose, once you go back to your original lifestyle, you most likely will gain your weight back, sometimes in surplus.

Diets aren't the way to go, but a change of lifestyle is. Change in the body starts with change in the mind. Know and truly feel that McDonalds every night isn't good for you. Get yourself to want to workout 3-5 times a week. Surround yourself with positive people who have similar goals. Change your lifestyle and make it healthier. Not only will you feel revitalized, but you will slowly see yourself looking better too.

This is just my story, anyways. Fourty-five pounds later, I'm stickin' to my guns.

~Syleste~