Designer Bags

I love purses! Forget diamonds... bags are a girl's best friend! Bags, bags, bags - baggity bags. It's music to my ears. Coach, Chanel, Dooney & Bourke, Louis Vuitton ... I love them all! Designer bags, "DBs" as I adoringly call them, more specifically are my passion. There's just one, not so small problem; I'm broke.

Oh DBs, why must you taunt me? With your perfect mixes of shiny leather and conservative flare... how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I have to say it's completely torturous. I want them, but they cost so darn much! It STINKS! I know I am not alone on this... all my friends have discussed our shared dilemma.

So, what's a skint girl to do? Well, I am here to tell you that there are a few pretty attractive options to lack of DB blues.

Numero uno: Ebay

Visit the site and you'll find navigation bars on the left, one labeled "Fashion". Within that label is a category for "Women's Handbags". You never know what's for sale here! New, barely used or decent, you can find a schmorgesboard of designer possibilities. Once you've found your perfect mommy bag, you might find the perfect daughter wallet to match...but beware.

Ebay can be a fickle friend and a messy sport. If bidding isn't your game and you can't camp out by your computer within the last hour of bidding, this option isn't for you. My advice is to wait until the last possible minute to bid, to keep the price as low as possible and lure your competition into a false sense of security. Ebay is a dirty business and designer bags are a serious trade. You got to fight for the rights to your dream purse; be prepared.

Numero dos: Bag, Borrow or Steal

I thank the first Sex and the City movie for this one. Bag, Borrow or Steal is a website where you can rent or buy designer products, particularly - you guessed it - handbags! Now, this option might be a little more expensive than the former. Unlike Ebay, where you pay once and the bag is yours, this option is more for all you DB addicts in need of a quick fix. Have a fancy engagement coming up and need to look your best? Hop on the computer and rent a bag for 1 week, or even a month. It's all up to you! It won't be yours and you might have to pay around $100, but your bag will arrive quickly and in mint condition. Plus, the over 3,000 styles are up to date, so you can always keep track of the latest trends. Join the website with a small monthly fee, and get credits towards your rentals!


Numero tres: Garage sales

This is without a doubt the cheapest option. Although, truth be told, it's the biggest pain of the three. Garage sales are usually full of useless crap, but if you look hard enough, you can always find diamonds in the rough. The key is to hit the sales early. Look for signs on street corners during weekdays, because the garage sales are usually on weekends. If it starts at 8 a.m., arrive at 7:30 a.m.! The last thing you want is to arrive at the peak of the sale and get into a verbal fight with someone who wants the same bag as you do. "I saw it first"! "No, I did"! Before you know it, a bidding war will ensue, and you might as well have saved the trip and gone to Ebay. Be stealthy and keep a watchful eye. Like my Gram always says, "When it comes to garage sales, you must be a warrior. Be on the prowl and stake your claim to what's yours". Words straight from the wise.

You might be able to walk away with a once $400 bag for an eighth of the price! Just one more tip, however. Bring a friend with an eye for spotting fakes. The last thing you want is to come home paying $50 for a counterfeit purse.  Don't get tricked!



If I've learned anything, it's that DBs are expensive for a reason. They look and feel so much better than the rest... and that will co$t you. However, if you are savvy enough, you can work your way around the system.

I'll end this with my very own wish list item. If anyone spots the purse below on Ebay or another sale, let this DB addict know.

Stay sharp,

~Syleste~

Horrible Tattoos

My best friend has 11 tattoos. I've always been one of those people who has been annoyingly afraid of needles. I faint when I get my blood drawn, and getting shots is always blown out of proportion. However, lately (only God knows why) I've been contemplating getting one. Maybe it will be something musical, something simple, something I won't regret getting when I'm 70 years old. So... I've been rummaging through Google, looking through thousands of pictures, and I have come to an uneasy conclusion: there are some REALLY bad tattoos out there.

I don't want to be one of those people who thinks their tattoo is SO cool and everyone else thinks it's incredibly lame. Nor do I want people to look at my tattoo and giggle at its stupidity. For your viewing pleasure I have gathered some horribly awesome tattoo "no-nos". Are you ready for it? OK. Here we go.

 Rule 1: Don't be a walking punch line.
 Example:

Haha. I get it! "Life" sucks. However, now this girl needs a permanent drum roll to follow her around. Good going, Girl. You now truly DO lose at life. EPIC FAIL.

Rule 2: Don't get tattoos on your face.
Example:

(LMAO! You totally know you "lol'd" at this picture. Don't lie to me.)

It's like a bad Men's Wearhouse ad: "Fuck yaaaa. You're gonna LOVE the way you look"!

This guy has taken oxymoron to a new level. He, in a suit no less, will never be corporate. Many jobs will not allow employees to have visible tattoos; this guy is screwed.

What's the plus side? He could be in any circus. Can you say Cirque du Soleil?

Rule 3: Communicate with your tattoo artist, and make sure you find a credible one.
Example:

This tattoo was supposed to be endearing. However, now she looks like the long-lost sister of the wicked witch from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Ouch.

Rule 4: Make sure either you or your tattoo artist can spell.
Example:

I think this is self-explanatory to all you grammar Nazis. 

Rule 5: Make sure you can finish your tattoo.
Example:

Awesome, Guy. Awesome....

Were you lacking in funds so much that you couldn't even finish the "E"? Or were you that much of a wuss that you couldn't stand the pain? Maybe the finished product should be spelled "L-E-W-S-E-R"!

Rule 6: Take care of your new tattoo!
Example:

This guy's arm looks like the Sahara desert with a heroin problem. Yuck.

Make sure you go to a tattoo parlor that is clean, and take care of your skin after you leave. Never scratch your tattoo, and always keep it clean and covered. Not doing so could result in your tattoo's color bleeding. You could even get a staff infection or MRSA, which could be life-threatening.

Rule 7: Don't get too complicated.
Example:

I like interactive tattoos as much as the next guy, but come on! It looks like she's been branded. A person looking at that for the first time is just going to think she just really loves math. What's on the other leg? A road map of France?

On the plus side, her kids can never complain of boredom. All they need is a pen and mommy's leg. "Mommy's leg is my favorite toy"! Creepy.



People, tattoos are relatively permanent. Be smart when getting one and plan ahead of time. Drunken nights and poor planning result in really embarrassing tattoos.

~Syleste~

Celebrity Offspring

Today, we live in a world that is run by "celebrity". Lady Gaga's latest outfit gets front page news, while the failing economy gets third. I don't know about you, but I can't stand the lame-o gossip and the fact that I can't watch television or read a magazine without an actress, singer or model telling me what I should wear, think or be. With all this celebrity nonsense already present, do we really want their offspring ruling our lives?

Lately I've been reading that celebrity couples such as Victoria and David Beckham and Will and Jada Smith are turning their families into corporations. Their children, who aren't even teenagers yet, are becoming more successful than almost everyone I know. It's almost sickening.

Why can't we just let kids be kids?

Eight-year-old Romeo Beckham is reportedly starting his own sunglasses line, after asking his mother for support. I don't know about you, but when I was little and told my mom I wanted to be a model, she didn't start her own agency so I could be the star. What were you doing when YOU were eight? I was playing with my Skip-It, Sega, and Nano Pet.

Nine-year-old Willow Smith is breaking out into the music-business, after her twelve-year-old brother Jaden Smith has starred in movies such as The Karate Kid, The Day the Earth Stood Still, and The Pursuit of Happyness.

Willow's new music video is cute and sends out a good message of being unique, and not being afraid to express it. It's even catchy and great to dance to. However, I hope she's had time to enjoy adolescence; she hasn't even reached puberty yet.

Either way, you be the judge:




What's the dialogue like in the Smith's household? Is it something like:

     Jaden: Can I be in your music video, Sis?
     Willow: Umm... No....
     Jaden: Daaaaadd!!
     Will: Youngsters, I'm busy surviving zombie attacks, fighting robots and saving mankind from aliens in Philadelphia, whilst pursuing my "happyness". Sorry dudes!

Overall we have to remember that these children ARE children; don't come down too hard on them. As to their parents, however: GIVE ME A BREAK!

~Syleste~

BAD Hallowen Costumes

Halloween is quickly approaching. So, I have started my annual costume-hunt. All Hallow's-Eve is suppose to be a night where us humans walk amongst and blend in with the dead and wicked. Instead, however, we choose to masquerade as comic-book heroes, slutty nurses, cave men, Freddy or Jason... I've even seen vending machines and dildo men. As usual, my female mind has to automatically go to the age-old question: slutty or mask?

It seems like 99 percent of costumes created for women are half a costume. Slutty, slutty and sluttier. That is unless of course, you'd like to go as a horse, pig, Barack Obama, Hilary Clinton, or any other barnyard animal/political figure. I would love, at least once, to see women dress as something creative and awesomely evil, instead of amazingly slutty. Thus, Ladies, I will give you some examples of how NOT to dress. To not sexually discriminate, I've added some male examples, as well.

 Ok. Gentleman, don't wear this.  Doing so is saying "I'm not only a man whore, but my wildest dream is to be in a porno". Save it for your Valentine's Day fantasies, and keep it out of your Halloween celebration.

Ladies, women in the police force work hard enough to gain the respect of their male colleagues. Wearing this is completely offensive. Seriously! What was your training in, lap-dancing 101?

To be continued....

~Syleste~

Who Honestly Needs a Snuggie?

Last night, one of my girlfriends invited me over for dinner, in her home that she keeps a chilly 68 degrees. By the time we watched Casablanca, I was freezing my tail off. Coming to my aid, she hands me a bright red, wooly Snuggie - and two more; one was for her, the other - for her dog.

If you haven't watched television or shopped the "As Seen on TV" section in the last year, you might be asking yourself, "What in God's name is a 'Snuggie'"? To get full details on the product, watch one of their full commercials, and then continue to read on; I'll wait.

OK. Now that you're caught up, let's begin to analyze the product. If you know this blog, you already know my opinion, but I believe it is only fair to list its (arguable) pros and cons from actual Snuggie consumers. I am sad to say that many of my friends own the wretched Snuggie. So, I decided to poll them and get their take on the product. Let's begin:

Snuggie Pros:

~ They come in many colors and designs.

~ They are for men, women and pets.

~ They keep you warm, while keeping you free to walk and use your hands.

~ It's made of fleece, but also machine washable.

Snuggie Cons:

~ They are "staticy".

~ You can't wear them outside, out of embarrassment.

~ Your friends make fun of you for buying one.

~ One size definitely doesn't fit all.

Now that we've been all fair and balanced, I think it's about time to bring on the scrutiny, because Snuggies are a joke.

I'll just ignore the fact that the lyrics to the Snuggie commercial are to the "Macarena," because that's just way too easy. However, has anyone noticed that a Snuggie is a backwards robe? This "blanket with sleeves" isn't a new invention; any person can make one themselves.

Step 1: take the tie off of a robe.
Step 2: put the robe on backwards.
Ta-da!

Also, has anyone who's bought a Snuggie said to themselves, "Wow! I look like a Jedi"? I don't know about you all, but I don't think I want to walk around looking like I am in some Star Wars, Obi-Wan Kenobi cult... and hey! Since when do dogs and cats need an extra source of warmth? They already have a fur coat. Contemplating buying a Snuggie for your pet is like saying, "Hmm... I think I might just throw $20 down the toilet".

Snuggies are a dumb idea, and have been deemed the BIG STINK of the day. Have you ever heard of a blanket? A robe? A hoodie? Hell, wear a muumuu; it's more stylish than the dreaded alternative! Do yourself a favor and don't fall for the bull. They're a waste of money.

~Syleste~

Muffin Top Syndrome

There is nothing worse than looking forward to a relaxing day at the spa and getting an unexpected eyeful of the most stomach-churning thing one can imagine. It's paralyzing; it's cringe-worthy. It's... Muffin Top Syndrome....

According to Muffin Top Nation , "Muffin Top" refers to the "abdominal spillover that results from  wearing a too-tight pair of low-cut pants". Let me just go on the record as stating that I can't believe there's a website dedicated to glamorizing muffin tops. Now that we got that out of the way, I have to say that “MTs”, as I affectionately call them, are one of the worst fashion statements anyone can make. To most of my girlfriends that is a fact, not an opinion. You see, what Muffin Top Nation fails to inform you is that the lovely term of "muffin top" has evolved. To make a long story short, MTs come in many different forms. It is my job here to explain them in their horrendous detail.

Let’s start with the always original tummy MT. Now, if you’d like to achieve this look, all one might need to do is wear pants that are way too tight/small for you. If in doubt, take that belt you’ve been longing to wear out of your closet and clip it as tight as you can!

A new form of MT has come in that of the breasts; I like to call this one “boofin’ top”, or even “quadro boob". To achieve this particular look, wear a bra that is at least 1/2 cup size too small. I will spare you all the image of this, as I want to keep your retinas unscathed. 

The last species of MT comes in the form of the upper and/or lower back. We can call this one... "Baby Got Back-fat". This particular classification is probably the easiest to achieve. From an extremely tight bra or pants, you might even be able to achieve the dreaded, double back-fat combo. Below you can see an example of lower back MT, "tramp stamp" included. (We'll save that hurdle for another day). 

So, my friends, you may be asking yourself, "How can I stop or reduce the sight of MTS" (Muffin Top Syndrome)? Well, here are some things you can try:

1.  Wear clothes that actually fit you. If you have any doubts, bring a friend with you who doesn’t have MTS.
2. Help a friend in need. If you see any sort of MT going on, inform them…please.
3.  If you have a little something extra on your midsection, cover it up! 
4. Wear a long jacket or baggy shirt. 
5. Exercise! Plan out a steady workout regimen.
6. Get a 3-way mirror. That way, you can see yourself from all angles.

It's plain and simple. Muffin Tops of any kind are the BIG STINK. Just… don’t do it. If you ever find yourself forgetting to check for this fashion no-no, repeat this rhyme to yourself over and over again: ♫Hide your fat, from your boobs to your stomach, to your back♫.

Until next time,

Syleste