"Fun Time" - Creative Mall Activity for Children

No, my friends. Your eyes are not deceiving you. Those are children... in plastic balls... on the water.

I took these photos only last night with my piddly, little iPhone. So, excuse the quality. They are from Coral Square Mall in Coral Springs, Florida - not my favorite mall, to be clear. However, here, right in front of the JC Penney entrance, this monstrosity stands.


Honestly, if I were a kid, I would think this was pretty awesome. For me, though, it's just plain annoying.

Not only is this contraption taking up most of the space to walk, but people waiting for their children and curious passersby consume the small amount of floor left... and what do you see? Children, for only a few dollars, are on all fours, spinning on the water like a bunch of rambunctious gerbils... I really hope their parents are proud.

I can't tell you how much it costs exactly, because there were so many people surrounding the booth, I couldn't get to it. However, I can tell you it's relatively cheap, from people I have asked (who couldn't remember the exact price), and that it is at the mall only temporarily. So, if for whatever reason you want to hop into one of these plastic bubbles, you better get here fast. 


Happy shopping,

~Syleste~

Top 5 Inappropriate Gym Behaviors

I belong to three gyms. Each of them is very different, but the one constant is the people. I love working out, but every time I go to the gym I am astounded by the manners, or lack thereof, of the people surrounding me. Everyone is entitled to a bad day, but that doesn't excuse inappropriate gym behavior.

Thus, I compiled a list of the worst offenses of gym etiquette I could think of. Enjoy!

1.  The creepy old guy
There is little worse for a young woman than trying to get a good workout, while an older man stares at them as if they were grade A prime rib. -shudder-

It's a famous gym stereotype that no man should aspire to. Gentlemen, keep your rape eyes out of the gym, and save it for the club.

Alike, no matter how knowledgeable a trainer is, don't let them touch your naughty bits. Otherwise, some old man may be getting his jollies, while you are trying to merely burn calories. Be weary!

2. Stinky McStinkerson
I think it's common knowledge that going to the gym means that you'll eventually sweat, and that if you sweat, you might not smell so good.... I swear, it's some gym members' mission to stink up their entire vicinity. It is horrible to be running on a treadmill and progressively smell someone's toxic B.O.

Imagine having Rico Suave next to you (see above) at the gym, sweating profusely and without deodorant. -gag- He's shirtless and you can't think why. His lack of muscle definition keeps you on the verge of screaming, "For God's sake, put your shirt on!" This guy is so hairy, he looks like he is half of Burlington Coat Factory. His sweat is pouring and his aroma lingers on every machine he uses.

I so don't want to smell his brand. I'll tell you that.

Do these stinkers honestly think they smell like a dainty rose? It makes me think they just never got the memo. If I had the guts, I would pull an old school move and pass them a note, informing them of the secret they must not be aware of...

... and maybe some Right Guard. Then again, some people stink so bad, they make Right Guard turn left.

3. Freeballing and Freebobbing
When you are working out, you are in the zone. You want as little distractions as possible. So, imagine pumping massive iron and your eye catches a runner wearing absolutely no undergarments. Just... take that in for a second; imagine the eye-scathing possibilities. Scary, right?

Gentlemen, I understand that underwear may make you feel constricted, uncomfortable, that it might squeeze Admiral Winky, your Bone of Arc, your Beaver Cleaver. However, this is the one place where you should just deal with the discomfort. It's not like the gym is a place for relaxation, anyways. No one wants to see your sausage swaying in the wind, while you jog at a measly 6 mph. Your fellow gym-goers don't want to see your man-meat take on a windmill-like state. Forget the freeballing and bring on the tighty whities! Keep those babies secure; we all thank you in advance.

The same notion goes out to you, ladies. I don't want to see the exact shape of your buttocks, nor any cameltoe that may emerge.  Leave something to the imagination, please!

On a more extreme note, if your breasts look like sad pancakes, (and this is also directed to all you gentlemen with moobs), please don't go without a bra. I call this act "freebobbing". You are free to use the term.

4. Loud and splashy clothing
The gym is loud enough when you are concentrating on that last set of squats, or running that final mile. Thus, accessories are not your best workout friend. Leave the bangles, hoop earrings, chains - anything that will clink and clank - at home. It's annoying and drives the people around you nuts!

Less is more.

The gym is a place where sweat is a sign of accomplishment. It is NOT a beauty contest. Very little is more irritating than people who dress to impress at the gym and barely do anything, monopolizing the machines.

 

Can you imagine these people in your gym? It'd be like '80s aerobics on crack. Weird.

Come on. Wearing heels to the gym is pretty bad, and of course! We can't forget to check out our butts in the mirror. That's a given. I'm sure the lady above will get a GREAT workout. -rolls eyes-

5. The One-Upper

You're on the treadmill with a stranger beside you. You go 5 mph. The stranger next to you glances at your screen, and increases their speed to 5.5 mph. You run for 15 minutes; they run for 16. You lift 20 - pound weights; they lift 30.

Remind you of someone?

I ran 30 miles an hourrrrrr, for 4 hourrrrrs, without stopiiiiiing.

Are they insecure and think that they must do more than you to feel good about themselves? Were they unloved as a child or have an unhealthy obsession with competition? Who knows? Maybe they just need a hug. Regardless, no one needs people they don't know secretly engaging them into a battle of strength and endurance.

No one cares about your personal goals, One-Upper. We only care about our own. Get a life and stay out of ours.


Be courteous to your fellow gym-goers. Gym etiquette is universal.

~Syleste~

Designer Bags

I love purses! Forget diamonds... bags are a girl's best friend! Bags, bags, bags - baggity bags. It's music to my ears. Coach, Chanel, Dooney & Bourke, Louis Vuitton ... I love them all! Designer bags, "DBs" as I adoringly call them, more specifically are my passion. There's just one, not so small problem; I'm broke.

Oh DBs, why must you taunt me? With your perfect mixes of shiny leather and conservative flare... how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I have to say it's completely torturous. I want them, but they cost so darn much! It STINKS! I know I am not alone on this... all my friends have discussed our shared dilemma.

So, what's a skint girl to do? Well, I am here to tell you that there are a few pretty attractive options to lack of DB blues.

Numero uno: Ebay

Visit the site and you'll find navigation bars on the left, one labeled "Fashion". Within that label is a category for "Women's Handbags". You never know what's for sale here! New, barely used or decent, you can find a schmorgesboard of designer possibilities. Once you've found your perfect mommy bag, you might find the perfect daughter wallet to match...but beware.

Ebay can be a fickle friend and a messy sport. If bidding isn't your game and you can't camp out by your computer within the last hour of bidding, this option isn't for you. My advice is to wait until the last possible minute to bid, to keep the price as low as possible and lure your competition into a false sense of security. Ebay is a dirty business and designer bags are a serious trade. You got to fight for the rights to your dream purse; be prepared.

Numero dos: Bag, Borrow or Steal

I thank the first Sex and the City movie for this one. Bag, Borrow or Steal is a website where you can rent or buy designer products, particularly - you guessed it - handbags! Now, this option might be a little more expensive than the former. Unlike Ebay, where you pay once and the bag is yours, this option is more for all you DB addicts in need of a quick fix. Have a fancy engagement coming up and need to look your best? Hop on the computer and rent a bag for 1 week, or even a month. It's all up to you! It won't be yours and you might have to pay around $100, but your bag will arrive quickly and in mint condition. Plus, the over 3,000 styles are up to date, so you can always keep track of the latest trends. Join the website with a small monthly fee, and get credits towards your rentals!


Numero tres: Garage sales

This is without a doubt the cheapest option. Although, truth be told, it's the biggest pain of the three. Garage sales are usually full of useless crap, but if you look hard enough, you can always find diamonds in the rough. The key is to hit the sales early. Look for signs on street corners during weekdays, because the garage sales are usually on weekends. If it starts at 8 a.m., arrive at 7:30 a.m.! The last thing you want is to arrive at the peak of the sale and get into a verbal fight with someone who wants the same bag as you do. "I saw it first"! "No, I did"! Before you know it, a bidding war will ensue, and you might as well have saved the trip and gone to Ebay. Be stealthy and keep a watchful eye. Like my Gram always says, "When it comes to garage sales, you must be a warrior. Be on the prowl and stake your claim to what's yours". Words straight from the wise.

You might be able to walk away with a once $400 bag for an eighth of the price! Just one more tip, however. Bring a friend with an eye for spotting fakes. The last thing you want is to come home paying $50 for a counterfeit purse.  Don't get tricked!



If I've learned anything, it's that DBs are expensive for a reason. They look and feel so much better than the rest... and that will co$t you. However, if you are savvy enough, you can work your way around the system.

I'll end this with my very own wish list item. If anyone spots the purse below on Ebay or another sale, let this DB addict know.

Stay sharp,

~Syleste~

Boca Raton

Boca Raton is a mixing pot of ages, and a magnet for tourists. I'm there all the time and I love it. However, one thing I can't stand is people mispronouncing the name of the city. I've noticed some Boca residents can't even say it right!

It's Boca "RA-TONE," as in "you're TONE deaf". It's not Boca "ratonnnn," as in "moronnnn".

Listen and learn.

It's a Spanish word, people. GET IT RIGHT!

~Syleste~

14 Terrible Baby Names

Everyday I become more and more convinced that parents are trying to make their kids' lives miserable. Let's face facts. Kids are known for being mean. So, why would parents name their kids something crazy, something sure to make them the target of ridicule for the greater part of their adolescent lives? Need examples? I thought you might. Here are some names I have come across recently. Some of the full names I have changed slightly, for identity purposes.

   1. Michelin
Come on. We all know what you are thinking. "You named your baby after a tire". Good going, unnamed parent! Heaven forbid your child be a little hefty around the midsection....

  2. James White Head
Let this be a lesson to all you perspective parents. If your last name is a noun, don't give your child an adjective for a middle name. What were this kid's parents thinking?

  3. Bubba
Okay. A good rule of thumb is this: if you can see your child not being elected President of the United States because of their name, then maybe you should change it. Just a thought....

  4. Fanny Whiffer
Wow. Why didn't you just name your daughter "Butt Sniffer"? Another lesson: don't name your child anything that has to do with a play on words or innuendo. Examples 5-9 are similar no-nos.

 5. Mary A. Jerk

 6. Envy Burger

 7. Hugh Jass

 8. Jermajesty

 9. Candi Hamm 
When I knew her, this girl was over 300 lbs. Yikes!

 10. Apple
This example comes from my research into the world of celebrity baby names. Gweneth Paltrow named her daugher Apple, after a friend's daughter who is ALSO named Apple. There is not one, but TWO lessons here, my friends. The first: don't name your kids after food. This makes them one step closer to becoming a stripper. Good job. The second: don't name your kid after a friend's kid! They will always be hanging out and confusion is inevitable. I can just see it now... the last name of the Apples will be number one and number two. The following celebrity baby names are similar examples:

11. Poppy Honey
I loathe rhyming names. Why not just name her Banana Ramma Fofanna? Ugh!

12. Petal Blossom Rainbow
Can  you say "Hippie"?

13. Peaches Honeyblossom

14. Diva Muffin   
This should be on the Dunkin Donuts menu... just a suggestion.    

With more and more of my friends spawning each year, I hope they heed my advice. You should too.

~Syleste~

Election Day... Finally!

*Cue scary announcer guy*

"Republican governor 'Dick Bob' wets the bed. Sources close to his administration tell us that his momma is so fat, her belt size... is the EQUATOR! Can we really afford 4 more years?

ThisadispaidforbyDemocratsforAmericaTM...."

... Sound familiar?

Thank the sweet lord election day is finally over, because these attack ads really chap my ass.  I have no idea how the people I'm voting for stand on the issues, only useless tidbits of information, such as pointless, skewed scandals from candidates' pasts, and intentionally misleading information.

Hell! I've seen one 30-second spot about one candidate's cross-dressing fetish. There was absolutely no information about their views on the war, gay marriage, or the state budget. Thanks for that. When I'm voting for a person to run my state, I just want to know how they flaunt the latest fall trends. Screw their ideologies and economic recovery plans for an America that is suffering the worst recession since the Great Depression. Gee whiz!

LEAVE RUDY ALONE!

Do you want to know the tragic part? Most people base their votes on these ads. It's sad, but true. A candidate can come along with amazing ideas, but it doesn't matter. If a rich candidate puts all their time and effort into blasting the wonderful candidate, all hope is lost.

Attack ads are the BIG STINK. Spend less time telling me about a candidate's personal life, and more time about how their policies are going to impact my family and I.

~Syleste~

How to Dance Like a White Guy

Clubbing can be very embarrassing for those of the Caucasian persuasion. I can't stand going out and seeing those who can't dance acting like they are the coolest thing since sliced bread. Although it's entertaining for the first 10 minutes, (we point and laugh at their attempt to be cool), it's just annoying eventually. The innocent bystander's irritation is inevitable.

If you can't think of what I mean, imagine this sort of dancing (in the video below) at Planet Hollywood.





Ladies and Gentleman, help out your friends and save them the public shame. Don't let friends dance like crazy chickens in public. Don't let their hands fly to the heavens, like they are praying to the lord in a place full of sex and sweat.

If need be, get Dance Dance Revolution, or practice at the YMCA, anything to get your booty groovin' in the right direction.

Practice, practice, practice... it makes, well not perfect - but competent!

Stay cool,

~Syleste~