"Fun Time" - Creative Mall Activity for Children

No, my friends. Your eyes are not deceiving you. Those are children... in plastic balls... on the water.

I took these photos only last night with my piddly, little iPhone. So, excuse the quality. They are from Coral Square Mall in Coral Springs, Florida - not my favorite mall, to be clear. However, here, right in front of the JC Penney entrance, this monstrosity stands.


Honestly, if I were a kid, I would think this was pretty awesome. For me, though, it's just plain annoying.

Not only is this contraption taking up most of the space to walk, but people waiting for their children and curious passersby consume the small amount of floor left... and what do you see? Children, for only a few dollars, are on all fours, spinning on the water like a bunch of rambunctious gerbils... I really hope their parents are proud.

I can't tell you how much it costs exactly, because there were so many people surrounding the booth, I couldn't get to it. However, I can tell you it's relatively cheap, from people I have asked (who couldn't remember the exact price), and that it is at the mall only temporarily. So, if for whatever reason you want to hop into one of these plastic bubbles, you better get here fast. 


Happy shopping,

~Syleste~

Top 5 Inappropriate Gym Behaviors

I belong to three gyms. Each of them is very different, but the one constant is the people. I love working out, but every time I go to the gym I am astounded by the manners, or lack thereof, of the people surrounding me. Everyone is entitled to a bad day, but that doesn't excuse inappropriate gym behavior.

Thus, I compiled a list of the worst offenses of gym etiquette I could think of. Enjoy!

1.  The creepy old guy
There is little worse for a young woman than trying to get a good workout, while an older man stares at them as if they were grade A prime rib. -shudder-

It's a famous gym stereotype that no man should aspire to. Gentlemen, keep your rape eyes out of the gym, and save it for the club.

Alike, no matter how knowledgeable a trainer is, don't let them touch your naughty bits. Otherwise, some old man may be getting his jollies, while you are trying to merely burn calories. Be weary!

2. Stinky McStinkerson
I think it's common knowledge that going to the gym means that you'll eventually sweat, and that if you sweat, you might not smell so good.... I swear, it's some gym members' mission to stink up their entire vicinity. It is horrible to be running on a treadmill and progressively smell someone's toxic B.O.

Imagine having Rico Suave next to you (see above) at the gym, sweating profusely and without deodorant. -gag- He's shirtless and you can't think why. His lack of muscle definition keeps you on the verge of screaming, "For God's sake, put your shirt on!" This guy is so hairy, he looks like he is half of Burlington Coat Factory. His sweat is pouring and his aroma lingers on every machine he uses.

I so don't want to smell his brand. I'll tell you that.

Do these stinkers honestly think they smell like a dainty rose? It makes me think they just never got the memo. If I had the guts, I would pull an old school move and pass them a note, informing them of the secret they must not be aware of...

... and maybe some Right Guard. Then again, some people stink so bad, they make Right Guard turn left.

3. Freeballing and Freebobbing
When you are working out, you are in the zone. You want as little distractions as possible. So, imagine pumping massive iron and your eye catches a runner wearing absolutely no undergarments. Just... take that in for a second; imagine the eye-scathing possibilities. Scary, right?

Gentlemen, I understand that underwear may make you feel constricted, uncomfortable, that it might squeeze Admiral Winky, your Bone of Arc, your Beaver Cleaver. However, this is the one place where you should just deal with the discomfort. It's not like the gym is a place for relaxation, anyways. No one wants to see your sausage swaying in the wind, while you jog at a measly 6 mph. Your fellow gym-goers don't want to see your man-meat take on a windmill-like state. Forget the freeballing and bring on the tighty whities! Keep those babies secure; we all thank you in advance.

The same notion goes out to you, ladies. I don't want to see the exact shape of your buttocks, nor any cameltoe that may emerge.  Leave something to the imagination, please!

On a more extreme note, if your breasts look like sad pancakes, (and this is also directed to all you gentlemen with moobs), please don't go without a bra. I call this act "freebobbing". You are free to use the term.

4. Loud and splashy clothing
The gym is loud enough when you are concentrating on that last set of squats, or running that final mile. Thus, accessories are not your best workout friend. Leave the bangles, hoop earrings, chains - anything that will clink and clank - at home. It's annoying and drives the people around you nuts!

Less is more.

The gym is a place where sweat is a sign of accomplishment. It is NOT a beauty contest. Very little is more irritating than people who dress to impress at the gym and barely do anything, monopolizing the machines.

 

Can you imagine these people in your gym? It'd be like '80s aerobics on crack. Weird.

Come on. Wearing heels to the gym is pretty bad, and of course! We can't forget to check out our butts in the mirror. That's a given. I'm sure the lady above will get a GREAT workout. -rolls eyes-

5. The One-Upper

You're on the treadmill with a stranger beside you. You go 5 mph. The stranger next to you glances at your screen, and increases their speed to 5.5 mph. You run for 15 minutes; they run for 16. You lift 20 - pound weights; they lift 30.

Remind you of someone?

I ran 30 miles an hourrrrrr, for 4 hourrrrrs, without stopiiiiiing.

Are they insecure and think that they must do more than you to feel good about themselves? Were they unloved as a child or have an unhealthy obsession with competition? Who knows? Maybe they just need a hug. Regardless, no one needs people they don't know secretly engaging them into a battle of strength and endurance.

No one cares about your personal goals, One-Upper. We only care about our own. Get a life and stay out of ours.


Be courteous to your fellow gym-goers. Gym etiquette is universal.

~Syleste~

Designer Bags

I love purses! Forget diamonds... bags are a girl's best friend! Bags, bags, bags - baggity bags. It's music to my ears. Coach, Chanel, Dooney & Bourke, Louis Vuitton ... I love them all! Designer bags, "DBs" as I adoringly call them, more specifically are my passion. There's just one, not so small problem; I'm broke.

Oh DBs, why must you taunt me? With your perfect mixes of shiny leather and conservative flare... how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I have to say it's completely torturous. I want them, but they cost so darn much! It STINKS! I know I am not alone on this... all my friends have discussed our shared dilemma.

So, what's a skint girl to do? Well, I am here to tell you that there are a few pretty attractive options to lack of DB blues.

Numero uno: Ebay

Visit the site and you'll find navigation bars on the left, one labeled "Fashion". Within that label is a category for "Women's Handbags". You never know what's for sale here! New, barely used or decent, you can find a schmorgesboard of designer possibilities. Once you've found your perfect mommy bag, you might find the perfect daughter wallet to match...but beware.

Ebay can be a fickle friend and a messy sport. If bidding isn't your game and you can't camp out by your computer within the last hour of bidding, this option isn't for you. My advice is to wait until the last possible minute to bid, to keep the price as low as possible and lure your competition into a false sense of security. Ebay is a dirty business and designer bags are a serious trade. You got to fight for the rights to your dream purse; be prepared.

Numero dos: Bag, Borrow or Steal

I thank the first Sex and the City movie for this one. Bag, Borrow or Steal is a website where you can rent or buy designer products, particularly - you guessed it - handbags! Now, this option might be a little more expensive than the former. Unlike Ebay, where you pay once and the bag is yours, this option is more for all you DB addicts in need of a quick fix. Have a fancy engagement coming up and need to look your best? Hop on the computer and rent a bag for 1 week, or even a month. It's all up to you! It won't be yours and you might have to pay around $100, but your bag will arrive quickly and in mint condition. Plus, the over 3,000 styles are up to date, so you can always keep track of the latest trends. Join the website with a small monthly fee, and get credits towards your rentals!


Numero tres: Garage sales

This is without a doubt the cheapest option. Although, truth be told, it's the biggest pain of the three. Garage sales are usually full of useless crap, but if you look hard enough, you can always find diamonds in the rough. The key is to hit the sales early. Look for signs on street corners during weekdays, because the garage sales are usually on weekends. If it starts at 8 a.m., arrive at 7:30 a.m.! The last thing you want is to arrive at the peak of the sale and get into a verbal fight with someone who wants the same bag as you do. "I saw it first"! "No, I did"! Before you know it, a bidding war will ensue, and you might as well have saved the trip and gone to Ebay. Be stealthy and keep a watchful eye. Like my Gram always says, "When it comes to garage sales, you must be a warrior. Be on the prowl and stake your claim to what's yours". Words straight from the wise.

You might be able to walk away with a once $400 bag for an eighth of the price! Just one more tip, however. Bring a friend with an eye for spotting fakes. The last thing you want is to come home paying $50 for a counterfeit purse.  Don't get tricked!



If I've learned anything, it's that DBs are expensive for a reason. They look and feel so much better than the rest... and that will co$t you. However, if you are savvy enough, you can work your way around the system.

I'll end this with my very own wish list item. If anyone spots the purse below on Ebay or another sale, let this DB addict know.

Stay sharp,

~Syleste~

Boca Raton

Boca Raton is a mixing pot of ages, and a magnet for tourists. I'm there all the time and I love it. However, one thing I can't stand is people mispronouncing the name of the city. I've noticed some Boca residents can't even say it right!

It's Boca "RA-TONE," as in "you're TONE deaf". It's not Boca "ratonnnn," as in "moronnnn".

Listen and learn.

It's a Spanish word, people. GET IT RIGHT!

~Syleste~

14 Terrible Baby Names

Everyday I become more and more convinced that parents are trying to make their kids' lives miserable. Let's face facts. Kids are known for being mean. So, why would parents name their kids something crazy, something sure to make them the target of ridicule for the greater part of their adolescent lives? Need examples? I thought you might. Here are some names I have come across recently. Some of the full names I have changed slightly, for identity purposes.

   1. Michelin
Come on. We all know what you are thinking. "You named your baby after a tire". Good going, unnamed parent! Heaven forbid your child be a little hefty around the midsection....

  2. James White Head
Let this be a lesson to all you perspective parents. If your last name is a noun, don't give your child an adjective for a middle name. What were this kid's parents thinking?

  3. Bubba
Okay. A good rule of thumb is this: if you can see your child not being elected President of the United States because of their name, then maybe you should change it. Just a thought....

  4. Fanny Whiffer
Wow. Why didn't you just name your daughter "Butt Sniffer"? Another lesson: don't name your child anything that has to do with a play on words or innuendo. Examples 5-9 are similar no-nos.

 5. Mary A. Jerk

 6. Envy Burger

 7. Hugh Jass

 8. Jermajesty

 9. Candi Hamm 
When I knew her, this girl was over 300 lbs. Yikes!

 10. Apple
This example comes from my research into the world of celebrity baby names. Gweneth Paltrow named her daugher Apple, after a friend's daughter who is ALSO named Apple. There is not one, but TWO lessons here, my friends. The first: don't name your kids after food. This makes them one step closer to becoming a stripper. Good job. The second: don't name your kid after a friend's kid! They will always be hanging out and confusion is inevitable. I can just see it now... the last name of the Apples will be number one and number two. The following celebrity baby names are similar examples:

11. Poppy Honey
I loathe rhyming names. Why not just name her Banana Ramma Fofanna? Ugh!

12. Petal Blossom Rainbow
Can  you say "Hippie"?

13. Peaches Honeyblossom

14. Diva Muffin   
This should be on the Dunkin Donuts menu... just a suggestion.    

With more and more of my friends spawning each year, I hope they heed my advice. You should too.

~Syleste~

Election Day... Finally!

*Cue scary announcer guy*

"Republican governor 'Dick Bob' wets the bed. Sources close to his administration tell us that his momma is so fat, her belt size... is the EQUATOR! Can we really afford 4 more years?

ThisadispaidforbyDemocratsforAmericaTM...."

... Sound familiar?

Thank the sweet lord election day is finally over, because these attack ads really chap my ass.  I have no idea how the people I'm voting for stand on the issues, only useless tidbits of information, such as pointless, skewed scandals from candidates' pasts, and intentionally misleading information.

Hell! I've seen one 30-second spot about one candidate's cross-dressing fetish. There was absolutely no information about their views on the war, gay marriage, or the state budget. Thanks for that. When I'm voting for a person to run my state, I just want to know how they flaunt the latest fall trends. Screw their ideologies and economic recovery plans for an America that is suffering the worst recession since the Great Depression. Gee whiz!

LEAVE RUDY ALONE!

Do you want to know the tragic part? Most people base their votes on these ads. It's sad, but true. A candidate can come along with amazing ideas, but it doesn't matter. If a rich candidate puts all their time and effort into blasting the wonderful candidate, all hope is lost.

Attack ads are the BIG STINK. Spend less time telling me about a candidate's personal life, and more time about how their policies are going to impact my family and I.

~Syleste~

How to Dance Like a White Guy

Clubbing can be very embarrassing for those of the Caucasian persuasion. I can't stand going out and seeing those who can't dance acting like they are the coolest thing since sliced bread. Although it's entertaining for the first 10 minutes, (we point and laugh at their attempt to be cool), it's just annoying eventually. The innocent bystander's irritation is inevitable.

If you can't think of what I mean, imagine this sort of dancing (in the video below) at Planet Hollywood.





Ladies and Gentleman, help out your friends and save them the public shame. Don't let friends dance like crazy chickens in public. Don't let their hands fly to the heavens, like they are praying to the lord in a place full of sex and sweat.

If need be, get Dance Dance Revolution, or practice at the YMCA, anything to get your booty groovin' in the right direction.

Practice, practice, practice... it makes, well not perfect - but competent!

Stay cool,

~Syleste~

Weird Band Names

I was watching Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist the other day. With passionate anger, Norah yelled "If you don't have a drummer then why do you have drums, you fist-full of assholes"? Nick's band-mates then look at each other as if they have found the Holy Grail of band names. I then thought, eww... why in the world would that be a great band name? That my friends, is the inspiration for this post. What follows is a list of real bands with very odd names, some of which creep me the f#@k out.

1. Maggot Sandwich 
Ugh. I just love listening to a band who's name makes me want to puke up my lunch.

2. Anal Kitties
Why did they have to bring poor, innocent kitties into their foolishness? I don't think I'll be able to look at kitties the same way again. -sigh-

3. Armadildo
Aaaaaah! What's with all the sex and animal references? Someone needs to tell these people that bestiality is frowned upon (and illegal) in most countries.

4. Mighty Sphincter
There is no way that I want to know what makes their sphincters so mighty. Save it for your momma. I don't care.

5. Mincing Fury and Gluttural Clamour of Queer Decay
Uh... can you say "long," and are you guys trying to make us depressed? Geez. You might as well be named "Cut My Wrists and Slit My Throat". I feel like tacos....

6. Betty's Not a Vitamin
Uh... that's good. What is she? A person? I'm so smart.

7. The Nomad Nipples
Why are the nipples nomads? Do they wander? Does a member of the band have nipples in multiple places? Are their teats like bad acne? I... don't get it.

8. Black Pimping Jesus
I'll save this one for Chuck Norris, because he can handle anything.

9. Boneless Children Foundation
Oy. What a bad visual. They must all look like Jabba the Hutt. Calling all you Harry Potter geeks, this band needs some Skele-Gro. Stat!

10. Penis Fly Trap
Ouch! That's got to hurt. Wear a cup!

11. Penis Genius
Well, it IS said that men have a second brain in their pants, but I doubt they meant Einstein.

When you think up a name for your band, try not to creep people out. Don't let your "unique" name outshine your music.

~Syleste~

Austin Powers - Dr.evil tells Scott to zip it!

To Whom it May Concern,

If I have to hear one more time that the Austin Powers series is "ridiculous," I will cut someone. That's right. I will get violent. (OK. No, not really.) Seriously, though... I am passionate about the epic quality the series has.

Does Mr. Powers offend you? Is it his teeth? Do swingers make you uncomfortable? Are you anti-cryogenic freezing? What is it? Tell me, please!

I don't get it. Austin Powers is the epitome of awesome. Period. Anyone that says differently can suck a pickle. (Ew.... pickles). That is all.

~Syleste~

Horrible Tattoos

My best friend has 11 tattoos. I've always been one of those people who has been annoyingly afraid of needles. I faint when I get my blood drawn, and getting shots is always blown out of proportion. However, lately (only God knows why) I've been contemplating getting one. Maybe it will be something musical, something simple, something I won't regret getting when I'm 70 years old. So... I've been rummaging through Google, looking through thousands of pictures, and I have come to an uneasy conclusion: there are some REALLY bad tattoos out there.

I don't want to be one of those people who thinks their tattoo is SO cool and everyone else thinks it's incredibly lame. Nor do I want people to look at my tattoo and giggle at its stupidity. For your viewing pleasure I have gathered some horribly awesome tattoo "no-nos". Are you ready for it? OK. Here we go.

 Rule 1: Don't be a walking punch line.
 Example:

Haha. I get it! "Life" sucks. However, now this girl needs a permanent drum roll to follow her around. Good going, Girl. You now truly DO lose at life. EPIC FAIL.

Rule 2: Don't get tattoos on your face.
Example:

(LMAO! You totally know you "lol'd" at this picture. Don't lie to me.)

It's like a bad Men's Wearhouse ad: "Fuck yaaaa. You're gonna LOVE the way you look"!

This guy has taken oxymoron to a new level. He, in a suit no less, will never be corporate. Many jobs will not allow employees to have visible tattoos; this guy is screwed.

What's the plus side? He could be in any circus. Can you say Cirque du Soleil?

Rule 3: Communicate with your tattoo artist, and make sure you find a credible one.
Example:

This tattoo was supposed to be endearing. However, now she looks like the long-lost sister of the wicked witch from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Ouch.

Rule 4: Make sure either you or your tattoo artist can spell.
Example:

I think this is self-explanatory to all you grammar Nazis. 

Rule 5: Make sure you can finish your tattoo.
Example:

Awesome, Guy. Awesome....

Were you lacking in funds so much that you couldn't even finish the "E"? Or were you that much of a wuss that you couldn't stand the pain? Maybe the finished product should be spelled "L-E-W-S-E-R"!

Rule 6: Take care of your new tattoo!
Example:

This guy's arm looks like the Sahara desert with a heroin problem. Yuck.

Make sure you go to a tattoo parlor that is clean, and take care of your skin after you leave. Never scratch your tattoo, and always keep it clean and covered. Not doing so could result in your tattoo's color bleeding. You could even get a staff infection or MRSA, which could be life-threatening.

Rule 7: Don't get too complicated.
Example:

I like interactive tattoos as much as the next guy, but come on! It looks like she's been branded. A person looking at that for the first time is just going to think she just really loves math. What's on the other leg? A road map of France?

On the plus side, her kids can never complain of boredom. All they need is a pen and mommy's leg. "Mommy's leg is my favorite toy"! Creepy.



People, tattoos are relatively permanent. Be smart when getting one and plan ahead of time. Drunken nights and poor planning result in really embarrassing tattoos.

~Syleste~

Celebrity Offspring

Today, we live in a world that is run by "celebrity". Lady Gaga's latest outfit gets front page news, while the failing economy gets third. I don't know about you, but I can't stand the lame-o gossip and the fact that I can't watch television or read a magazine without an actress, singer or model telling me what I should wear, think or be. With all this celebrity nonsense already present, do we really want their offspring ruling our lives?

Lately I've been reading that celebrity couples such as Victoria and David Beckham and Will and Jada Smith are turning their families into corporations. Their children, who aren't even teenagers yet, are becoming more successful than almost everyone I know. It's almost sickening.

Why can't we just let kids be kids?

Eight-year-old Romeo Beckham is reportedly starting his own sunglasses line, after asking his mother for support. I don't know about you, but when I was little and told my mom I wanted to be a model, she didn't start her own agency so I could be the star. What were you doing when YOU were eight? I was playing with my Skip-It, Sega, and Nano Pet.

Nine-year-old Willow Smith is breaking out into the music-business, after her twelve-year-old brother Jaden Smith has starred in movies such as The Karate Kid, The Day the Earth Stood Still, and The Pursuit of Happyness.

Willow's new music video is cute and sends out a good message of being unique, and not being afraid to express it. It's even catchy and great to dance to. However, I hope she's had time to enjoy adolescence; she hasn't even reached puberty yet.

Either way, you be the judge:




What's the dialogue like in the Smith's household? Is it something like:

     Jaden: Can I be in your music video, Sis?
     Willow: Umm... No....
     Jaden: Daaaaadd!!
     Will: Youngsters, I'm busy surviving zombie attacks, fighting robots and saving mankind from aliens in Philadelphia, whilst pursuing my "happyness". Sorry dudes!

Overall we have to remember that these children ARE children; don't come down too hard on them. As to their parents, however: GIVE ME A BREAK!

~Syleste~

BAD Hallowen Costumes

Halloween is quickly approaching. So, I have started my annual costume-hunt. All Hallow's-Eve is suppose to be a night where us humans walk amongst and blend in with the dead and wicked. Instead, however, we choose to masquerade as comic-book heroes, slutty nurses, cave men, Freddy or Jason... I've even seen vending machines and dildo men. As usual, my female mind has to automatically go to the age-old question: slutty or mask?

It seems like 99 percent of costumes created for women are half a costume. Slutty, slutty and sluttier. That is unless of course, you'd like to go as a horse, pig, Barack Obama, Hilary Clinton, or any other barnyard animal/political figure. I would love, at least once, to see women dress as something creative and awesomely evil, instead of amazingly slutty. Thus, Ladies, I will give you some examples of how NOT to dress. To not sexually discriminate, I've added some male examples, as well.

 Ok. Gentleman, don't wear this.  Doing so is saying "I'm not only a man whore, but my wildest dream is to be in a porno". Save it for your Valentine's Day fantasies, and keep it out of your Halloween celebration.

Ladies, women in the police force work hard enough to gain the respect of their male colleagues. Wearing this is completely offensive. Seriously! What was your training in, lap-dancing 101?

To be continued....

~Syleste~

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. A cause near and dear to my heart (both my grandparents are breast cancer survivors), there are so many things I try to do to help. Lately, I have been seeing some... interesting things... that people are attempting, to bring awareness to the cause.

Let me just say, that although your intentions might be good, updating your Facebook status about where you like to put your purse at the end of the day, or what color bra you are wearing isn't really going to do much. Truth be told, people ARE aware of the cause. The problem is the funding.

I'm not asking you to open your checkbook and give one-thousand dollars to Susan G. Komen For the Cure. I am suggesting that you integrate funding into your normal life.

Let me give you some examples:



1. I LOVE yogurt. Do you like yogurt? You do? Awesome! Well, an easy way to contribute to the cause is to buy yogurt. Yes! It's that simple! Many brands, like Dannon, have a code on their lids. Enter the code on their website and 10 cents will be donated to breast cancer research.

2. Do you like pretty things? Does your sister or wife love to shop? Well, you're in luck. Certain websites offer jewelry, clothes, mugs, accessories - almost anything a girl could want, dedicated to breast cancer. Purchase them, and a set percentage is donated to the cause.

3. Do you walk? What a coincidence. So do I! That's why I annually walk for the cure. Find a person or business to sponsor you on your trek. Whether your donation is little or small, whether you walk or run, everything helps. Also, if you think it's difficult to find a sponsor, think again.



Of course, there are other ways to donate: fund-raising, or donating through Pay-Pal or mail. However, the above ways are simple things ANYONE can do that not only fit into your lifestyle, but are mutually beneficial.

As my younger cousin says, "Do your part and save the ta-tas"!

~Syleste~

"Diet" is a Dirty Word

About two years ago, I was looking in the mirror and was sick of what I saw. I was a Junior in college - and I was overweight. I knew then that I had to do something about it immediately, while I was determined to do so. People would tell me, "Just go on a diet"! However, myself and half the people I know have done at least 10 diets, and I have come to a bitter conclusion: diets suck!

The word "diet" is like a dirty word. It has a negative connotation around America, and it's easy to guess why. There are a million and a half diets - some main stream, and some relatively unknown. Our TVs and computers are flooded with their advertisements: Nutrisystem, The South Beach Diet, The Jenny Craig System, The Weight Watchers Plan, Atkins, The Hollywood Diet.... and guess what? They all don't work. At least, not the way you'd want them to.

Diets are a quick-fix for a long-term problem. The above named diets and their buddies (most of the time) are unrealistic. These diets may have you drink nothing but fruit or vegetable juice for two weeks, or give up almost every food group for a month. You are on them for a certain period of time, and yes, probably will lose at least a small amount of weight. However, if you are extremely over weight, these diets aren't enough. Even if you only had 15 lbs to lose, once you go back to your original lifestyle, you most likely will gain your weight back, sometimes in surplus.

Diets aren't the way to go, but a change of lifestyle is. Change in the body starts with change in the mind. Know and truly feel that McDonalds every night isn't good for you. Get yourself to want to workout 3-5 times a week. Surround yourself with positive people who have similar goals. Change your lifestyle and make it healthier. Not only will you feel revitalized, but you will slowly see yourself looking better too.

This is just my story, anyways. Fourty-five pounds later, I'm stickin' to my guns.

~Syleste~

Is This Needed....?

♥ I CANT STAND P3OPL3 WHO TYP3 L3IK THIS. WUT IZ TH3 POINT 2 GO OUT OF UR WAY 2 MISSP3LL W0RDS ♥ AND INT3GRAT3 NUMB3RS/SYMBOLS WH3R3 TH3Y AR3NT N33D3D W/O USING HARDLY N E PUNCTUATION ♥ DO U THINK U LOOK C00L...ITS OBNOXIOUS & MAK3S WUT U R SAYING RLY DIFFIKULT 2 R3AD. TEEHEE ♥♥♥

Typing like this is the BIG STINK.  Save yourself the trouble, and type like a normal person.

~Syleste~

Gym-goers: Clean Up After Yourselves!

I belong to three, wonderful gyms. They are all very distinct, offering differential classes, sets of equipment and training personalities. There is one problem, however: most of their members don't clean up after themselves.

When someone gets a good workout, they usually sweat just about everywhere, (more places they'd want to admit to). I have no problem with this. In fact, I look at sweating as a positive thing. Sweating profusely usually means you are working your body to its max and releasing toxins. What I can't stand, however,  is getting on a treadmill or setting up at a machine, and it's still covered in sweat! There is a reason why most gyms say, "Sweating is optional, towels are not". I don't care if you leave puddles of sweat all over the floor. When you are done, wipe the machine off! It's common courtesy.

~Syleste~

Romeo and Juliet: Love Story or Stupidity?

The other day, I was watching "Romeo + Juliet," starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes with a friend. During the movie, I began to think. I thought of all the times I was required to read this play in school, and how I never really enjoyed it much. Just as the last frame ended, my friend looked at me and said, "Isn't that the best love story of all time"? I must have looked at her like she was nuts.

Please, don't get me wrong. Shakespeare's got mad writing skills. Or as my friend argued to me, "Dude can write"! However, how is "Romeo and Juliet" the greatest love story of all time? I say, it's a tragedy about two complete brats.

If Romeo and Juliet relived their story in today's society, we'd look upon them as two, impulsive, teen hooligans. We'd feel bad for their parents and think them to be too sexually inquisitive for their age. Let us break down each character.

I call Romeo a fickle player. If he were alive today, Romeo would hop from one girl to the next, and become the "baby daddy" of at least 5 kids, before he turned 20-years-old. I mean, at the beginning of the play, Romeo is getting over Rosalyn, who he claims has caused him severe heartbreak. She doesn't feel for him the way he does for her, and he's suicidal. Then, after one quick glance at Juliet, he declares his love for her. That's physical attraction, not true emotion. You know what his friends would tell him today? They'd say, "Poor you, Romeo. The prettiest girl in school doesn't like you. Grow a pair and get over it". I'd definitely call Romeo faithless, and even a little bit of a wuss.

Juliet, on the other hand, we'd call stupid, just plain stupid. Often throughout Shakespeare's play, she threatens to kill herself, if she cannot be with her Romeo. She is a teenager who cannot have her way, and threatens her parents with a horrible act, hoping they give in to her whims. That's a whippersnapper, if I've ever heard of one.

Also, why isn't anyone calling these two CRAZY? Let's put the end of the story into the real world.... They are two young people who get married within 24 hours. Eventually, Juliet fakes her own death, Romeo forgets to check his email that day, and then kills himself when he finds her playing dead. Juliet wakes up, with her new husband's corpse on top of her, probably wishing she pulled a Britney Spears and just got the marriage annulled within 12 hours. She, because she's crazy, snaps and then kills herself too. Wow... how romantic.

"Romeo and Juliet" is NOT a love story, let alone the greatest of all time. If anything, I'd call it a lust story, a tragic lust story. Romeo hops from one girl to the next, believing himself to be in love before speaking to a girl, Juliet is spoiled and full of angst, throwing temper tantrums if she can't get her way, and they both get married within 24 hours of knowing each other. This is all a combination for tragedy.

If you're truly looking for a good love story, I'll leave you with a short list of suggestions:

The Notebook
Pride and Prejudice
Tristan + Isolde
Penelope and Odysseus
Ever After

~Syleste~

Gunther-"Ding Ding Dong"

If someone said to you, "Oooh. You touched my tra-lala," would you have any clue as to what they were talking about? Well, this happened to me, and I certainly didn't. This statement hit me like a bus. I was confused, and a little uneasy. It sounded dirty; it sounded perverted. What in the world was a "tra-lala?" I searched the Internet and it wasn't long until I found this:

**WARNING: Watching may make you feel extremely dirty. Adult content with minor nudity**

Ok. WOW. Can you say "eyegasm"? No, I don't mean that in a good way. What's with all the T&A? It's a music video, not a strip joint... and hello! Pornstache + Mullet = retro no-no.

I was informed by a friend that this "Gunther" actually released this catastrophe as a serious single; I thought it was a joke. Aren't you supposed to look your best in a scenario like this? He looks like a greasy mess! No wonder there are so many half-naked girls in it . He needs as much attention off of him as possible.

Also, what's up with the lyrics? It's like "Groundhog Day" all over again. Gunther, you've got talent.

Gunther is the BIG STINK, and I hope this is the first and last time you watch his "ding-ding-dong".




~Syleste~

Who Honestly Needs a Snuggie?

Last night, one of my girlfriends invited me over for dinner, in her home that she keeps a chilly 68 degrees. By the time we watched Casablanca, I was freezing my tail off. Coming to my aid, she hands me a bright red, wooly Snuggie - and two more; one was for her, the other - for her dog.

If you haven't watched television or shopped the "As Seen on TV" section in the last year, you might be asking yourself, "What in God's name is a 'Snuggie'"? To get full details on the product, watch one of their full commercials, and then continue to read on; I'll wait.

OK. Now that you're caught up, let's begin to analyze the product. If you know this blog, you already know my opinion, but I believe it is only fair to list its (arguable) pros and cons from actual Snuggie consumers. I am sad to say that many of my friends own the wretched Snuggie. So, I decided to poll them and get their take on the product. Let's begin:

Snuggie Pros:

~ They come in many colors and designs.

~ They are for men, women and pets.

~ They keep you warm, while keeping you free to walk and use your hands.

~ It's made of fleece, but also machine washable.

Snuggie Cons:

~ They are "staticy".

~ You can't wear them outside, out of embarrassment.

~ Your friends make fun of you for buying one.

~ One size definitely doesn't fit all.

Now that we've been all fair and balanced, I think it's about time to bring on the scrutiny, because Snuggies are a joke.

I'll just ignore the fact that the lyrics to the Snuggie commercial are to the "Macarena," because that's just way too easy. However, has anyone noticed that a Snuggie is a backwards robe? This "blanket with sleeves" isn't a new invention; any person can make one themselves.

Step 1: take the tie off of a robe.
Step 2: put the robe on backwards.
Ta-da!

Also, has anyone who's bought a Snuggie said to themselves, "Wow! I look like a Jedi"? I don't know about you all, but I don't think I want to walk around looking like I am in some Star Wars, Obi-Wan Kenobi cult... and hey! Since when do dogs and cats need an extra source of warmth? They already have a fur coat. Contemplating buying a Snuggie for your pet is like saying, "Hmm... I think I might just throw $20 down the toilet".

Snuggies are a dumb idea, and have been deemed the BIG STINK of the day. Have you ever heard of a blanket? A robe? A hoodie? Hell, wear a muumuu; it's more stylish than the dreaded alternative! Do yourself a favor and don't fall for the bull. They're a waste of money.

~Syleste~

I'm Not Your "Bra"....

For as long as I can remember, people all over the world have created new forms of cordial salutations, for friends and passersby. Dude! Bro! Chica/o! Amigo! Pal! Homie! Brother! Buddy! Over time they evolve, while some tend to linger. One of these has always tended to make my ears bleed and my brain boil. Never call me "Bra"....

I always thought a "bra" was a female undergarment, not a term of endearment. What's next? Are we going to refer to each other as "G-string" or "Brief"? I have to hope for the sake of humanity that society would not create a term for their friends, from a garment that holds up a woman's breasts. Thus, it was research time. Where does the term "Bra" come from?

While doing some highly scientific research, I learned that "Bra", actually spelled "Brah", is short for "Braddah" or "Brother", a greeting originating from Hawaii. Searching and searching the web for it's true origin, I couldn't find it's age. Wikipedia was no help; the Urban Dictionary made my IQ drop 10 points, and Google didn't even have a clue. However, I did find that the Beatles used the term in their song from 1968, "Ob La Di, Ob La Da". So, it's at least 42 years old. I only know that the term is popular with surfers and skaters around the world. What I don't know is why my macaroni-flinging 5-year-old cousin is calling me "Bra". Scary.

So, let's just get this clear. The Beatles are awesome, thus, the term gets some cool points. It's short for "Braddah," which isn't bad at all. However, do not call someone "Bra," it just isn't right. I'll leave you with some popular alternatives to contemplate, for the time being.

Confidant! Second Self! Compadre! Bosom Buddy! Homeboy! Homeslice! Homie Skillet! Homefry! Alter Ego! Main Man! Crony! Mate! Sidekick! Chum!


~Syleste~

South Florida Driving: I Hate It.

Most people use their cars daily, and I am certain that driving is meant to be a pleasant experience. So, why do I hate it so much? I live in South Florida; that's why.

There must be a place where drivers with out-of-state license plates aren't looked at as the enemy, where having someone tailgate you 10 miles down the interstate is not a normality. I am convinced that turn signals really do exist, although I haven't seen one in nearly a month. It's even rumored that a yellow light doesn't actually mean "speed up". This is all fantasy in my world, but I've heard stories of other lands.

The last time my family was down, my cousin looked at me and said, "I was driving on I-95 today and I thought I was going to die... is it always like that"?  (She was actually fearing for her life. How sad is that?) After explaining to me why she felt her life was in peril on an interstate I use almost everyday, I simply said, "Yep". It was this day that I started thinking about why driving in the place I was born and raised sucks so hard. I now have a few theories.

1. Rules? We have No Rules! 

South Florida is a mixing pot of cultures and ages. Thus, people from different countries tend to drive the way they would from their respective country, instead of adapting it to the S. FL way of life. I've also noticed that different age groups drive very differently. This just adds in a whole new category of drivers. Stack the nationalities and the age groups, and you can mix and match driving styles to your heart's content.

    2. The Elderly

Ok. I'm not trying to knock the elderly. Let's just get that clear. HOWEVER, I think beyond age 75, people should be required to take a yearly driving test. Adding a bunch of slow drivers to S. Florida's fast-paced lifestyle is just wrong. Not to mention, a week doesn't go by when I don't hear about an elderly person that got into a fatal crash, killing not only themselves, but one or more others. If horrid traffic and incredibly slow driving irks you, avoid Boca at all costs. Fair warning, this is at its worst in the winter. Snow birds... yikes!

    3. The Weather

Any true Floridian laughs at the fact that we are the "sunshine" state. South Florida's weather is schizophrenic, at best. It's sunny, then 15 minutes later, we have a tropical storm. One constant, however, is the incredible heat. It's a proven fact that the hotter a climate, the more aggressive people tend to be. South Florida has some pretty offensive drivers. Then, of course, the heat brings the wet. Let me also inform you that no one in Florida seems to be able to drive in the rain. Whether driving way too fast and reckless, or being so scared that people don't drive more than 10 miles per hour, the weather makes already horrible drivers even worse.

    4. Tourists

Let's face facts. Half the people in South Florida have absolutely no idea where they are going. Whether it's (God, forgive me) senile old folks or camera toting tourists, the roads are slowed down, and sometimes brought to a complete standstill, by people who are lost or just seem to be looking around. Tourists are great for our economy, but suck for our traffic. 

One website I've seen explains Florida driving incredibly well:

"Worst Drivers:   Florida absolutely has the worst drivers.  As I learned many years ago when I lived near Tampa, you take your life into your own hands when you get on the Florida Interstates.  Why are drivers so bad there?  It's a combination of elderly retirees (who don't know where the accelerator is), college kids visiting during spring break (who don't know where the brake pedal is), and out-of-state tourists (who don't know where they're going).  The roads in Florida are a real zoo, especially in the spring."

Instead of truly ranting about the daily frustrations of South Florida driving, I'll stop here and look to the future. Here are some tips for safe driving from Zenhabits.

~Syleste~

This Just In: Nyjer Morgan is an Asshat

Mark your calendars. Tonight’s game, this Sept. 1, 2010, was one of the craziest I have ever seen. A high-scoring game with a full-fledged brawl, this man drama started about one week ago with one man, Washington National's player, Nyjer Morgan.

At the beginning of the season, Morgan was dawned the National's ball-smashing center fielder for the foreseeable future. As of now, Morgan is in trouble with the League, labeled the player you love to hate.

Let’s be honest; although we’ve never seen Morgan’s unorthodox MLB behavior explode the way it has in the last week, he’s always had a bit of a ‘tude. As you can see here, because poor Morgan can’t make a catch, he has to have a tantrum and throw his glove to the ground and pout in a corner. Whilst  his teammate from center field has to cover him, he allows the other team to easily score an in-park homer. Or how about this little tidbit from his hockey days, where Morgan is referred to as a “headcase,” pooping in a Gatorade bottle as a practical joke. About 1 week ago, he even threw a baseball (on purpose) into the crowd, hitting a fan in the head. It only gets worse and worse.

In yesterday’s game, Morgan stormed home plate, knocking over and injuring Brett Hayes, for the rest of the 2010 season. “He could have easily slid and been safe,” said Wes Helms, Marlins leader, in the locker rooms that night. Perhaps the Marlins were looking for payback? Tonight, 3 pitches hit Nyjer, all of which were thrown by Chris Volstad. After the third blow, Nyjer stormed the mound, attempting to punch Volstad, (who is almost 10 inches taller than him… like THAT was really going to end up in his favor). After a stunning close liner from Volstad’s teammate, Gaby sanchez, both benches were empty, and a huge man pile covered the mound. As Morgan was ejected from the game, he taunted and shouted profanities at the booing crowd. Footage of the last 2 Marlins games can be seen here, along with commentary.

It wasn’t merely Morgan who got ejected from the game. Jose Veras, Edwin Rodriguez, and Chris Volstad were also ejected. Of course, as you’d imagine, I’m sure punishments will be issued in due time. Let’s just hope Nyjer gets the one that’s most severe.

One might argue that he is a passionate player that just wants his team to win. I think he is a ruthless man with anger issues that if triggered again, should be suspended for the rest of the season.

Nyjer Morgan is the BIG STINK of the week. He needs to check his attitude and aggressive behavior. This isn’t hockey anymore, Mr. Morgan!

~Syleste~

Muffin Top Syndrome

There is nothing worse than looking forward to a relaxing day at the spa and getting an unexpected eyeful of the most stomach-churning thing one can imagine. It's paralyzing; it's cringe-worthy. It's... Muffin Top Syndrome....

According to Muffin Top Nation , "Muffin Top" refers to the "abdominal spillover that results from  wearing a too-tight pair of low-cut pants". Let me just go on the record as stating that I can't believe there's a website dedicated to glamorizing muffin tops. Now that we got that out of the way, I have to say that “MTs”, as I affectionately call them, are one of the worst fashion statements anyone can make. To most of my girlfriends that is a fact, not an opinion. You see, what Muffin Top Nation fails to inform you is that the lovely term of "muffin top" has evolved. To make a long story short, MTs come in many different forms. It is my job here to explain them in their horrendous detail.

Let’s start with the always original tummy MT. Now, if you’d like to achieve this look, all one might need to do is wear pants that are way too tight/small for you. If in doubt, take that belt you’ve been longing to wear out of your closet and clip it as tight as you can!

A new form of MT has come in that of the breasts; I like to call this one “boofin’ top”, or even “quadro boob". To achieve this particular look, wear a bra that is at least 1/2 cup size too small. I will spare you all the image of this, as I want to keep your retinas unscathed. 

The last species of MT comes in the form of the upper and/or lower back. We can call this one... "Baby Got Back-fat". This particular classification is probably the easiest to achieve. From an extremely tight bra or pants, you might even be able to achieve the dreaded, double back-fat combo. Below you can see an example of lower back MT, "tramp stamp" included. (We'll save that hurdle for another day). 

So, my friends, you may be asking yourself, "How can I stop or reduce the sight of MTS" (Muffin Top Syndrome)? Well, here are some things you can try:

1.  Wear clothes that actually fit you. If you have any doubts, bring a friend with you who doesn’t have MTS.
2. Help a friend in need. If you see any sort of MT going on, inform them…please.
3.  If you have a little something extra on your midsection, cover it up! 
4. Wear a long jacket or baggy shirt. 
5. Exercise! Plan out a steady workout regimen.
6. Get a 3-way mirror. That way, you can see yourself from all angles.

It's plain and simple. Muffin Tops of any kind are the BIG STINK. Just… don’t do it. If you ever find yourself forgetting to check for this fashion no-no, repeat this rhyme to yourself over and over again: ♫Hide your fat, from your boobs to your stomach, to your back♫.

Until next time,

Syleste

Just Do the Legwork

We all know that right now, our economy sucks. Most of us, particularly young people, are without jobs and hunting for them in our desired fields. Some job seekers, myself included, turn to career-building websites, such as Monster hotjobs! and Yahoo Jobs. All I can tell you is – THEY STINK.

First off, to really get anything out of these sites, you have to pay out-of-pocket, and for those people without jobs, I doubt anyone wants to do that; I know I don’t. Do you really want 53,945 emails and phone calls asking you to come in for a “special” position that has NOTHING to do with your field of expertise? –cough- TELEMARKETER –cough-

These websites offer absolutely nothing to someone looking to build their dream career. However, if you are looking for a sales or telemarketing position, these websites are definitely for you. Of course, you could also find a temporary job in these areas, while looking for your aspired job. When you get down to the nitty gritty, these websites offer to merely get your resume on the Internet. If you are looking for a well-sought job, stay off these sites.

My advice to any job seeker is to not wait for the job to come to you; do the legwork. Get out there, inquire about available positions, and fill out those applications in person. You will be more successful this way.

Syleste

The Florida Marlins: Will They Go Belly Up?

The Florida Marlins have had some of the worst luck in baseball this season. From freak injuries, staff firings, and horrible trades, there is much buzz surrounding the future of the Marlins.

It is my own opinion, that as of today, the Marlins are a triple-A team in the big leagues. After the trades of veteran Jorge Cantu and fan favorite Cody Ross, many injuries of other players soon followed.  Sean West, starting pitcher for the Marlins, hurt his knee doing prep exercises. Chris Coghlan, 2009 Rookie of the Year, got injured trying to throw a pie in his teammate’s face, after a walk off win. Dan Uggla is out day-to-day for a right groin injury. Ricky Nolasco also missed a start, due to a freak knee injury, when he reached down to tie his own shoe. On a similar note, star catcher Ronny Paulino was suspended for 50 games, due to taking a banned over-the-counter substance.

Thus, management brought up countless players from the minors, creating a lineup full of rookies. Although outfielders Logan Morrison, Mike Stanton, and Cameron Maybin are holding their own, they still struggle to play positions that they are not adept at. Similarly, the Marlins hold the No. 1 spot in the National League for the most blown saves, particularly at the hands of their ace, Josh Johnson. In the meantime, seasoned players such as Brett Hayes and Emilio Bonifacio will now get their chance to shine, as the fight for the playoffs is nearing 30 games.

At the end of June, Marlins Manager Fredi Gonzalez was fired. Bench coach Carlos Tosca and hitting coach Jim Presley were also let go. This was a hurdle that the Marlins had to deal with, and the change seemed to be a good one. Native Puerto Rican Edwin Rodriguez became the new manager of the Marlins (the first Puerto Rican to ever manage in the big leagues), and soon kicked off a temporary winning streak. However, this news was outshined by the news of the new Marlins ballpark.

As of now, the Marlins games are held at Sun Life Stadium, home of the Miami Dolphins. The new ballpark, now scheduled to open in 2012 after a lawsuit with South Florida Auto Dealer Norman Braman, is equipped with many positives. However, the bad seems to outweigh the good.  Yes. The ballpark will have a retractable roof and seat capacity of 37,000. Yes. The ballpark will have numerous and large aquatic setups that people of all ages are sure to enjoy. HOWEVER... The price of the ballpark is high. It will cost over a half a billion dollars, not to mention that the location will be at the Orange Bowl grounds. Are you serious? If the goal is to make money, why would anyone choose that location? Season ticket holders will not want to trek all the way to the heart of Miami for a game. Nearing Kendall, the ballpark is within no major interstates, and is further away for their fans in Broward and Palm Beach counties. As a Fish fan, I hope that this $515 million park will hold its worth, and they don’t go “belly up”, so to speak. More details and comments from fans can be seen here.

I call out The Marlins as the “Big Stink”! The Fish need to come together as a team and improve their bullpen, before next season. The blown saves must stop; the weird injuries must stop; the management should stay steady. All in all, the Florida Marlins and their management need to get their acts together, before they move to their new ballpark; no one likes a losing team.

Syleste